UrbanCrossover.

2012-01-04T13:16:00.001+08:00

"It’s sad really. People rust. they evaporate. They slowly erase. And we wonder what happened. Was it our fault or theirs? Did we neglect the friendship or did they no longer need what we had to give? The boys, the girls. One day their names will begin with, ‘you know, what’s her name.’ It’s tough when you realize that the nurture of relationships is constantly evolving, despite every attempt you make to make it last. To live in love. To freeze people in memory. The rest of life will be a continuous series of beginnings, of handshakes and text avoidance."

— Christopher Gutierrez (via quotedocument)

Not a full and proper first post of 2012, but brb! i will be back to tell you why ive been away this while

2011-11-29T23:49:00.007+08:00

Hullo ah

Ive been pretty much quiet, what i meant was the blogging manner, because ive been sleeping so early on weekdays like 11+ i will usually feel tired. staying up to keep up with this space of mine at 12midnight is something rare to me. anyway, life has been more or less stable and i can finally say i'm back to a normal and carefree and happy girl now.

oh and my boyfriend just enlisted and i miss him quite bad actually, very worried for him too. idk if i should say internship would be good for me now because at least i keep myself occupied on weekdays whilst he's in army so i wouldn be worrying so much and keep thinking about him?

and here are pictures from all over, from zouk, from topshop breakfast private event w alcinda, from alcinda's birthday

this happened a couple of weeks ago, alcinda and i actually were quite enthu about the event we woke up for it?!?!?! it was quite a disappointment it was all about some nylon debuting in sgp shit ok i dont give a fuck i only go there for freebies. YES I AM AUTHENTIC AUNTIE

and below are pix from alcinda's birthday, a very simple yet hearty dinner w everyone at chinatown!

then we headed over to BAR BAR BLACK SHEEP

and zouk.... ages ago i think lol

all of these pictures are on my facebook so its nothing new anyway.

so ive been hanging around w my favourite bunch of people week in week out, keeping things the way i want it to be.

afterall, live life happily is the most important right?

gonna update this space i think almost everyday wna start documenting every single thing down that happens in my life :)

2011-11-03T01:06:00.002+08:00

You know there are a lot of things that you have to get by, and keep telling yourself that it'll pass when life throws everything at you. And no matter what things are thrown at you, you still hv to stand up and walk, and carry on walking. The road ahead seems tough, but it'll reach the end someday somehow. Everything will come to the end and you'll get through it someday. I hv issue with almost everything and now i see, the problem most probably should be just on me, myself. And what i think its good now would be a character reflection for myself. People around me start to get worried for my character building. This has proven that i'm the issue. And i'm the one with problem

2011-10-23T18:29:00.002+08:00

I always sit down and think, who are the people that are true, those that will stay and be here, through happy/sad times with me. I selected a few in my mind but i hv no confidence at all to hold the friendship true and strong. I always hv no confidence in most things. be it myself, friendships, relationship or anything else.. because of having no self confidence at all, i always start to screw things up and decided to push the blame to others and push all the people around me to their limits. Am i a very difficult person to deal with? The closer you are to me, the more i lean towards you, the more i show you the uglier side of me, the more you see the weaker side of me and the more you cant stand me. I expect a lot from the people i am closer to. I expect them to see me above the rest, expect them to be there whenever i need them. expect them to listen to me even though ive repeated a thousands times before. expect them to answer my call whenever i want to talk to somebody. Although i've so many flaws, i know you all are still here and hv alrd overlooked every single flaw that i have. You see, i expect so much, which is why they have all the reasons to walk out of my life. I have typed one whole chunk of words and no one may understand what i'm trying to say, but its okay. and i'm still okay, still standing firm on the ground, not letting myself fall this time round. but..............i rly cannot take it anymore. can someone just talk to me??? please..

2011-10-09T23:27:00.005+08:00

#newphone #newlife #newme #happyme

The happiest thing that actually happened this week was I bought my phone!!!! and my happiness level reached its peak. I don't know whats with blogger but i couldn't remove the underline shit and i hope that you all don't hv too huge a problem trying to figure out what i'm typing here.

and as i promised, here are the pictures from the flbflea, which was probably two/three saturdays ago. It wasn't a considerably good flea, bc i thought the crowd was bad but it was still relatively fun as my beloved baobeis are all there, even felix came down!!!! so glad to see almost everyone.

dear alcinda ;)

so after the flea, we went to hv xlbs!!!

and dear ryan

i like this picture cuz they both look so sweet here right

see, me v engrossed w my food

then pretty gergerx Eunice being v nice came down to look for me and Coco at the flea too!

also, the army boiboi botak liaox

dear ah grenn

and finally, dear coco

the pix below are from idk which wednesday which i went town to find them after work, a very simple wednesday

okiiii hope y'all enjoyed the photos, i still hv a few batches of photos to upload still.

gudbai

2011-10-04T16:19:00.009+08:00

Hallooo everyone! Quite surprised that i will come back here again, that is bc there's someone who actually commented on my formspring "why so long never blog" makes me feel that there's actually people who bother about my life so i shall update here. My 6 mths internship has started, and it has been going on for about a month or so, its boring for me everyday bc im doing the same old thing, repeating the same cycle every single day, but i'm okay with it. getting used to this, and honestly, im quite happy bec at least i'm doing something everyday....? like it this way, life is so simple for me. I don't dare to say that i'm happy again at first bec i thought i'd jinx myself but i'm rly rly happy bc all my loved ones are here, so close to my heart now. lets keep it this way.......

#lifeisgood

anyway here are the pix before my internship started which means probably a month plus back? a night at zouk w the girlsss and neverland after that. pix are all from different cameras~~

i look so retarded here ;( anyw on that night we actually ordered like 40 shots and i tried kiss of death almost got me killed zzz

then the guys also quite vain ah, kept asking me to help them to take fotos for them

so glad... everything is going so slow and simple

i'll update again sometime this week the #flbflea and more!

2011-08-28T01:57:00.002+08:00

the silence

I'm tired of going through this cycle over and over again. but this time it feels so different... bc the past few times i got at least one or two persons that are usually closest to me, are here, to actually sit down or squeeze out time especially for me so that i won't feel this way. try all their ways and best to make me a little happier, but sadly, not this time. i can't take it anymore, like how people treat me as though i'm like a princess today, and treats me as though i put on an invisible cloak the next day... which is why i cannot feel attached to anyone at all. i just can't open my heart to anyone else bc once i do, i will get affected easily. i don't even know what i hv to do any more. thats why i always thought the best solution would be being left alone and guarding my heart so that i won't feel anything from you again. i don't want to face this vicious cycle, i can't believe i allowed myself to go through this so many times before coming to this stage and finally woke up. and that.. i hv to always believe that being alone isn that bad. i just don't want to get affected anymore

2011-08-26T18:33:00.002+08:00

Being quiet sometimes is good, the past week is enough for me to feel depressed. I have been studying so much and it makes me so depressed but at least i hv something to keep me alive and still living. I have so much questions in mind. I don't understand how can someone just treats you at their best as when they like it, and then the total opposite the next day? Or how someone can treat you so nicely making you feel so treasured and the next, treating you like any other person?

2011-08-09T01:50:00.002+08:00

Things happen along the way and most of the times, you can't help it. Sometimes it get so hard that you don't know how to deal w situations, or even worse, you're put into spots that you never thought you would be in. I wish to be away from the time being but i don't know how to. I don't know where to search for my answers. I don't know where to start finding back myself. Where should i go now?

2011-07-25T01:48:00.002+08:00

Walking on a dream

A very lazy Sunday spent at home catching up w good movies on funshion and replaying old songs by empire of the sun and the perishers so old sku hehe but still so nice. Friday night was spent at Newton w my animal friends, tio scammed by them, they made plans for dinner and out of 10 or 11 people, only me and glenn were eating. poor us, becuz of them, we couldn hv a good and fulfilling meal cuz we couldn order stingray kangkong and all la those chapalang two ppl eat like bo hua what and then off to zook for Donna the pony's birthday~ and off to meet my love after that <3

gunai everyone ;)

2011-07-22T01:05:00.002+08:00

With Desiree ;) probably my closest classmate in class for the past 3 years!

anyway i realized that whenever i start to feel attached to someone, this person will become someone dear and special to me, then i will tend to lean towards the person more and become more crazy over that person. It doesn mean that it must be my boipren, it can just be my best friend sheila like how i became a little paranoid over her when she's busy and not taking the initiative to talk to me. then i will feel all uneasy or hv thoughts like 'we are drifting apart', and this post is really general its not pointing or directing to anyone in particular its just about me. me. me. so i really hate this part about me because i need the attention from the people i feel attached to and when i don't get the attention from people, i will feel uncomfortable and will tend to try to gain their attention which makes people feel irritated. i know i'm like this, and i've been constantly reminding myself that this shouldn be the way bc it is simply childish why.. am i so needy? but i'm still feeling v contented so errr this post is actually quite redundant but ovellzx

2011-07-17T23:23:00.004+08:00

I have been quite busy lately thus the lack of updates but here i am, idk where to continue blogging from.

So ystd, it was Lim Sheng's birthday at M hotel club suite. and sadly, i do not hv any pix from ystd night, very smart of me to bring out my camera without my memory card. lol is like bringing out your phone but without battery? zzz

this is w @germzzzzz ;)

so i'm rly quite happy w my life, for worthy friends that are there for me to keep, or for fractional friends that are there to make me happy, whatsoever. i'm happy w where i am now. truly happy

2011-07-09T23:35:00.025+08:00

@BKK

Finally, i found back the vibe to blog after so long this time i come w pix overload!!!!!!! Kind of excited to share w yall my experience in bkk. The last time i went to Bangkok it was close to a decade ago, so i rly couldn remb anyth about Bangkok but this time after ive returned from thr, i rly cant stop thinking about it its rly a heaven.

So.. i spent a good one full entire week over at Bangkok w my beloved friends and also my boyfriend. i think during this trip ive covered more of the places (shopping) we went to new union mall, platinum mall, siam square, chatuchak, pratunam market, and many more. not rly gna elaborate so much on the trip oh ya we stayed at citin pratunam its quite a cosy hotel, and the stretch below our hotel has the best street side food!!!!!

last smoke before gg up the plane!!!

on the plane itself! i was so exited to eat the food on the plane and i think cathay serves rather good food lol errrr... ok

so when we touched down at bkk airport, we had a chauffeur to drive us to our hotel

so Thursday night which was our first night, we went to somewhere closeby to hv foot massage and dinz

and smthg which cannot be missed in bkk, the sweet prata!!! omg its so sinful but i think i eat it almost every single day when im there. its funny how we actually became friends w the prata guy. bc the first time we bought from him we tio scammed by him he told us 35 baht, then the second time we found out that we tio scammed so the other times that we bought for him he gave us a good and reasonable disc for it

second day, a good breakfast below our hotel before we set off for our shopping spree at platinum mall!

so this is my fav pa ka pow (basil leaves chix) yea we always hv this when we're in sgp but this is authentic and it only costs 30 baht, which means only about $1.20SGD and it fills your tummy wtf?!?!

and don't forget to drink the yakult there omg i swear everyday i hv to drink this!!!!

then this is my loot for the first day i swear its so...pathetic

second night when we tried to figure our way to Ratchada market and failed, we ended up at some night market and found a good seafood house and ordered fucking a lot but the bill only came up to 700 baht. dirt cheap, rly dirt cheap!!!!!

went to some night museum where they had some event going on there

we headed to central world, don't go there when you're in bkk cuz its just a waste of your time. they hv topshop over there tho i see alr i dam happy chiong in to realise the things there are much more ex than sgp's

THEN CHATUCHAKKKKK

outside new union mall look at our loots!

back to chatuchak on Sunday!

Baiyoke sky Hotel where Glenn Hilary Sunaryo and friends and my beloved boyfriend who stayed there

So.. on Sunday night we went to Khaosan market to meet Glenn Hilary Sunaryo Jerrold and Louis for dinner

also the only night where we bothered to dress up

halloooo hilary!!!

then we went to hv a little drink

On tuesday morning, Sheila Kim Meihao and Jiayong went back to sgp and i went to Baiyoke to find my boifren.. and headed to Siam Square!

and finally, on wednesday morning, the day where i had to check out and head back to sgp. the feeling sucks. maxed out sucks tht kind but before heading back to sgp, we had a breakfast buffet at Baiyoke on the 83rd floor!! the buffet is rly awesome cuz i love everything that it has at the buffet!!!!

the guys suit up, they look so errrrr handsome in their suits lor. guess what i wore to the airport??

i wore shorts and sandals. but i must rly thank them that we managed to hv a free upgrade to a business class flight on cathay!!!!

and now, stucked in sgp. i swear bangkok is rly good rly rly good kept thinking about it :'( miss it alrd khorp koon ka~~~~

anyway, i feel so happy nowadays, complain so much lesser nowadays too and so contented w my life. a loving boifren, caring friends i hv all around, and of course i won't leave out my family members who sponsored me the trip to BKK ;)

halloooo hilary if you get to see this, don't say that i never blog about you okie

Love you for always being here when i'm feeling empty or lonely or happy or just need someone to acc me. you're such a dear to me, i hope you know that and you always make me feel that i'm rly important probably the only few that make me feel that way. feel that i'm such a princess when i'm with you love you so much, not forgetting Sheila, my another precious, Glenn, Alcinda, Meihao, Kim, Gx, Jiewei and the rest.

Life will never be that bad w them around ;)

2011-06-24T17:38:00.003+08:00

Back after a week from #BKK

This is our last pix before we boarded the plane! up up here we go~~~

pix of us trying same top from topshop!

gna post up one long and draggy post soon about bkk!

#BKK #BKK #iloveBKK

2011-06-13T23:46:00.001+08:00

It's official. I do hv emotional disorder and i cannot deal with it

2011-06-12T03:42:00.002+08:00

MBS for the third time

Didn took much photos at mbs, this time it was w a different company, with Eunice, Donna, Zaus, Colleen Joanna and Vanessa it was actually planned for Vanessa as she's leaving anyway this time i finally managed to swim at the infinity pool w colleen, it was such a nice experience ;) played kinect in the room and woke up early just for the swim

my bestfriend sheila, has always been there for me, glad that shes here for me, almost everything she said makes so much sense that woke me up.... i need to start focusing on myself, before i lose more of it. somethings are not worthy to think about, some thoughts kill and they are harmful. you can choose not to think about it, rachel. its time to wake up. you rly should before you lose most of yourself

2011-06-09T03:14:00.003+08:00

@sheilalexis

Life wouldn be that bad bc this gal, Sheila Seah, will be here, standing strong, next to me. although there are times that i h8 her so much bec she just doesn like to entertain my reverse psychology on her, not even a single bit!!!! like you kno, sometimes you want things to turn out this way but you say another, she knew what i wanted but die die dont wna give in to me. it's a good day out with her today had our coffee fix at starbucks and studied throughout at our fav study place and chitchat session- Cathay ;)

i still love you as much okie ma dear ;)

2011-06-07T21:09:00.003+08:00

Surprisingly, i don't feel bored or rather lonely when i'm at home. I like this feeling, i love it when i start thinking things in a simpler version, being oblivious w everything around me, and head home when school ends, in a way i get to save my money for my bkk trip and also, more time for my studies and exams. Recently, ive been constantly feeling happy and i wish it stays this way forever but sadly, we all know nothing rly stays throughout let alone emotions bc they fluctuate so easily. ive been thinking a lot about the past nowadays, bc ive changed so much that i'm no longer that bubbly and cheerful gal anymore, not that gal that can be contented easily, not that gal that loves herself more than anyone else. sometimes i get afraid bc when times that i feel this way, i hv no one to turn to and idk how to organize my thoughts (yea like once again) they get so messy in my head, and the real question that i'm always asking myself is whether am i really happy with where i am. i always say that i'm such a blessed gal and happiest gal on Earth, with the amount of love i can get from my boyfriend, my beloved friends. but come to think of it again, ive lessen the reliance of everyone that i love bc i know clearly that i'm usually the one in need of them and not the other way around. i'm usually more into other's people lives than they are in my life. i don't like it, bc at the end of the day, i will be the one suffering and most of the times i'm suffering bc its so obvious that i love these people more than they love me, need them more than they need me.. i don't feel safe. i don't feel assured. i don't know where do i stand. where do i rly feel safe? am i rly happy? such a tough battle i hv to conquer with myself. sorry if i bore anyone with my post i just need to rant you all can just think that i'm trying to gain attention here or wallowing in my self pity again. but, this is me. for the past one year and also goes to show that for this past one year, ive been fighting with myself and i still hv yet to save myself

congrats rachel, you're not recovered

2011-05-24T01:31:00.002+08:00

Just one photo i kope from Donna's blog during Colleen's birthday.

I really hate how i look now, i know every girl faces self esteem problems i do too, almost all the time.. but now i rly feel like shit sia, like i see at least a visible change in my closer friends and looking back my old photos and my recent ones i really don't hv much to comment

anyway, quite anticipated for my bkk trip with my loved ones, got all our itineraries planned out. another plus point about the trip is during the last night i'm going over to bairyoke sky to meet my baby boyfriend! just afraid that i will bring insufficent amount of money thr bc im rly short on cash nowadays but put that aside and let the anticipation continue kicking in first hehe

still got quite a few batches of photos to blog about. see ya guyz ;)

2011-05-20T00:03:00.005+08:00

harlow~~~
idk where to start updating, i don't normally bring my camera out nowadays, bc sometimes when i hv to bring a lot of things out, the camera's weight alone is really quite....a burden. plus times where i just bring out my essential items and usually i will bring small bag so i rly don't find the need to take picz anymore unless some special occasions. kind of miss taking photos but realised that i rly look so much uglier now, dark eye circles and eye bags are so hideous.....

anyway, gna post up all the photos from sheila's birthday celebration/ simple dinner at burger shack. it was a school day and she wanted this year's birthday to be really simple, and it turned out to be what she wanted. owell, its the company that matters right afterall

i'm a really happy girl now, not bc my bf bought me a blackberry, not because that i'm doing better in school this semester, not bc that i'm going bangkok next month, but bec, i feel so loved.... recently, by those people that i love. i feel so happy, feel that people do care about me. feel that, i'm actually quite a happy girl deep down and i'm considerably important to quite a number of people

you see this cake looks so unappetizing right, but its fucking good shit!!!!!

birthday gal with her galaxy leggings that cost 150$ idk how to even buy a leggings for that price??!

hehe muack omg see alr feel like kissing them glenn and hilary so cute right!

and of course, xiong xiong~~ love him the most
the picz are so grainy right, siannnn...

hope you all don't get too bored of my life? gudbai

2011-05-05T22:03:00.005+08:00

contentment

finally, ive actualized to this stage, a stage or level where i rly feel happy... its funny how i always make it sound i'm lonely and pathetic but this time round, its different! and i hope it stays cuz its always like on and off?? but errr yea, ive stop all those stupid thoughts in my head, they are redundant or probably im just too occupied w my friends and bf now and also too tired from sch thats why.. but well just hope i'll stay this way.
i rly love my friends i dk hw to express my love for them, but i feel extremely happy whenever we're together. pix from last saturday where we just sat outside suntec for a good few hours talking about general elections, haunted stories and many more. and also a few pix from sunday night prawning where we prawned for dam long a lil surprise for sheila's pre birthday! and then off to supper at thomson. reached home at 6am that night rly tired sia

and i rly need suggestions if i should cut my hair or any nice hairstyle you all can recommend me? plz comment on my formspring http://www.formspring.me/princessrchl plz do, cuz im rly sick of my ugly and frizzy hair and i think i look so ugly now omg i look into the mirror and rly go 'yucks' at myself dam ugly i bei tahan lor. anyway im rly dam tired now so go n comment on my formspring and goodnight guys ;)

2011-04-29T01:01:00.000+08:00

” Do you ever just sit down and start writing? And everything going through your head just pours onto the paper, and when you reread it, it doesn’t make sense, but you know it’s meaning, cause your mind jumps around so much when you just let go, you lose all control. All of your heart, your soul, is on that paper, and you become so vulnerable to the world. “

2011-04-28T01:47:00.004+08:00

Ive thought hard and long and concluded that any individual should never rely on anyone so much, it begins with loving yourself first then comes loving others. Heavy reliance comes with heavy expectations too, always love yourself and never depend on others. a very important reminder for myself, sometimes being alone isn't that bad, being alone doesn mean lonely, we all just hv to remember that the more reliance you place on someone, the harder you will fall when that someone leaves you. Just like the pull and let go effect, never keep pulling the kite bc the kite might just snap and never let it fly too far it might just fly away......... idk if anyone understands what i'm writing?? hahhahaa owellz its just a slight reminder i hv to keep in mind

2011-04-25T02:16:00.003+08:00

cycling has never been this fun

true to the title, we rly had so much fun cycling, especially on some dope bicycles running on batteries and they hv buttons for you to press like "boost" and more so cool right, so we kind of losers la, the manual bicycles i swear i gave up cycling them bc there were so many upslopes in sentosa i gave instantly looking at the uphill. this was done right before sch starts, purposely set the day before sch starts knowing all of our body clocks are so screwed so i planned this to drag everyone out of their beds for an early exercise, tire ourselves and go home we can hv a good rest all. so we cycled for about 2hours? then we headed to the beach lie down and whats the best highlight of the day we played blindmice and catching until i laugh until i fall flat on the floor. i'd rather hv such outgs then we're always out way late in the night love them all!

some tourist shots look. we only took up probably 20% of the picture....zzzz

the manual bicycle vs the eco green bicycles

some rays shining on glenn. sho qt~

and yet another sch day ahead goodnighttttttt people

2011-04-22T17:43:00.002+08:00

If i really can find someone to talk to, i wouldn't be feeling this way at all. school has started and shook me up so badly and opened my eyes that everyone... they are just realistic, and no one ever puts anybody in front of themselves. they can just leave you alone, leaving you no other way out and that is the time that you know all you hv is yourself. i rly do feel like shit. school has been giving me enough of troubles, came home and i dont feel good either. friends wise, i'm also lazy to elaborate on them. everyone has a couple or one or two friends that they can lean on. i rly don't wna start on my bestfriend. a person whom i gave her a title of bestfriend, i don't see her at all when i'm tearing anymore, i don't see her when i need someone there for me, i don't see her as a person i can turn to anymore. i'm really so envious of a lot of people out there. better friends of mine, they have such lives that are almost perfect and i don't understand why they are always complaining ive had enough of my life. no one will ever want to put themselves as me and go through all these shit. just hope i can contract some disease and die fast so i won't be a burden to anyone anymore. at least im not so sensitive and making a nuisance to anyone whenever they neglect about my feelings or just simply don't care. i'm non existent anyway ;)

2011-04-18T01:00:00.004+08:00

the love of my life

he held my hand and walked with me through the darkest storm, easily read me like a book, did not abandon me for all the nonsense i did. i was such a childish girl when i had so much insecurities last time, they are totally uncalled for and they made him almost give up on me bc he couldn take my insecurities anymore. at the beginning of the relationship he told me "trust" and "space" are the most important things in a relationship, now i finally realized that they are rly important. cliches are overrated but i finally understood what are they for. i'm such a blessed and lucky girl when he set his eyes on me on 31'aug 2009. at the end of the day i know clearly and deep down he is the person thats gna love me the most apart from my parents. ive never once received or felt so much love before. idk how to carry on anymore but i love him way too much even more than myself

2011-04-15T18:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to organize my thoughts, i don't know how to tell anyone about my plight now. I reject all help, but i'm really not okay its just that, even if i tell someone about my plight, it wouldn't make me feel any better and after almost half a year or more than that, i've grown.. definitely learnt a thing or two from my major quarrel w my friends, learnt another when my two loved ones decided to leave me. (which of course they didn't in the end) but seems like i've learnt quite a lot, but i haven't learn to control my own thoughts and also learn to stop wallowing in self pity. actually i feel so much better whenever anyone comes up to tell me and asked 'what happened? tell me i'm here' or just a simple 'cheerup rachel, i don't want to see you sad' be it whether they are rly concerned for me deep down or just the surface, i appreciate them a lot. but i h8 it i rly h8 it when i express on the cyberworld how i feel. bc it just seems that im attracting attention? but i hv no other way out, i rlly don't bc i stopped expressing myself to anyone and this is the only way i can turn to. i'm beginning to quieten myself and i don't like it honestly. i'm becoming such a depressing person, such a lonely person inside

2011-04-14T14:23:00.000+08:00

off to meet my bestfriend @sheilalexis!

2011-04-14T04:04:00.002+08:00

I'll wait till i'm rly in a good mood then i'll start updating on the genting trip bc i know that its going to be a long and tiring ramble for the genting post plus the uploading of pix will take too much time and as you know, being lazy is my nature. anyway, i guess being lonely is common as it is a human condition i tell people that i'm starting to get used to being alone or being independent in a way but deep down under everything i think i haven't rly got used to being alone. owell, i can't wait for the weekends now as its all planned out, just hv to execute out all the plans and it'll be good. its contradicting how i can say i want to be alone and the next im saying im going out and all, what i actually mean is when i'm alone, i'm often overwhelmed with thoughts and this is something that i want to overcome like get used to the lonely nights when i'm home... mhm i dk if you get my drift but anyway a few pix taken from genting from chevonne's camera!

baibai ;)

2011-04-11T22:15:00.003+08:00

the walls hold in what you can't

Some things i just can't force myself to get over it. I want to sound happy but i just couldn, my tumblr sounds so sick, sounds so depressing, i don't know why i'm behaving like that either. i don't know what triggered me today but i rly need to get everything out. i need to hold a grip of myself, bc i'm becoming insane in a way i just don't think straight, i feel v hollow inside, i want to overcome this fear of loneliness myself. i know they are just part of the reasons why i feel this way or rather one major part i want to bring myself up again stand tall with my two feet. i've walked through the darkest period before and pull through, this time i just know that i rly need a lot of determination. i'm v weak i hv to say but i knew clearly, no one is thr to help me. i don't even feel like telling anyone about my situation, i need to be alone. i want to be alone. i want to get used to being alone. i want to be a different person by keeping everything in

2011-04-10T00:27:00.006+08:00

Trying to clear all my pix so i can actually give a more focused and good pix and juicy post for genting, rly lazy to update those events before i left for genting. so i'll just make it reallllllllllllly short there was this weekday when we send alcinda off to the airport and hv dinner tgt and then there was also once my bee brought me to sweechoon to hv dimsum~~~ and there was this once where all of us crashed francesca's house on a friday night! my holidays are considered fulfilling enough i think..

kind of satisfied w this holidays bc i get to go overseas and spent a whole lot more w my boyfriend and friends, worked at IT fair which i enjoyed myself a lot too, and much more, rly satisfied ;)

ive been typing and blogging more than usual but really, do i hv any readers to start with?
ok la not say i need readers, i update my blog to keep track of my life, document down what ive been doing or anything that upsets me or made me extra happy ;)

2011-04-09T03:57:00.003+08:00

i honestly feel that ive grown and at least behaving like a 19 year old kid but i do not know if its good/bad bc i've beginning to sit down and think a lot more, became more negative in a way as i see things in a more realistic and practical manner now. i can say that i'm not much a seen through now as compared to last year or years back when everyone can easily read me. i really do not know if its good or bad. anyway its 4am now and im left with 2hours of sleep before i hv to wake up and travel to marina to attend lim sheng's POP. came back from zouk moments ago, rly felt so happy felt like.......home when i saw everyone

2011-04-03T01:45:00.002+08:00

man from nowhere~

Two weeks back or so, we caught man from nowhere it really was a fucking good show, handsome lead actor some more so touching and gangster show, still hv a whole lot of pix to upload but here are some pix i stole from chevonne!

he like buey ke yan smile to the camera hor

zoe. i look so fat here omg totally look like one alien sia?

hv been chionging my hk drama 公主嫁到 recently, like my days at home when i just nua and nua and nua and do nothing and yeb gna hv a ciggaretto and continue chionging my drama~~

2011-03-31T22:33:00.000+08:00

elOx~~~ heading out!

2011-03-29T00:58:00.005+08:00

Change

i see myself so different say 3years back and now. back then in secondary school, i was such a happy simple and childish gal, then a dramatic turnover ever since i've stepped into poly not in a bad or a good way. i've met a good number of good friends, my social network widened x10000000 or even way much more.. all these are just the plus points. and in 2009, i started going to zouk week in and week out without fail, came back home drunk and thought that was probably the peak period of what my definition of fun is. started stealing, started smoking so much more but i guess its good i was over that phase. till late 2009, i met my boyfriend tan shixiong, and all the way till now, i grew out where am i, learnt so much from him, and finally settled to where i am now, realising the true meaning of what is simple and fun. just by having weekends with him and sometimes with his friends, kicked away all the habits of stealing, going to zouk week in and week out and so on... by reading back my archives, i rly met so many different people, became so different.. so different. i sit down now and thought my life is good enough. i hv a bunch of close friends and a loving boyfriend, i think that's all i need, really

sx came back from hongkong and bought me a couple of clothes from H&M and he still told me that he didn get me anything from hk then when we were back home we threw a bag to me can't imagine him stepping into H&M alone for a good half an hour choosing clothes for me, rly quite sweet of him to do that

last monday, had dinner over at ikea with my beloved friends and a 3hour road trip in ryan's ride, see us blasting and singing to rebecca's friday and went wild in the van. 2nd hour see us stoning in the van becuz of motion sickness, had so many pitstops along the way for smoke breaks and the last hour, see all of us keeping quiet and trying hard not to puke... but it was such a good roadtrip!!!! pix time~~

gna update again tomorw or smthg!!! gudbaiii

2011-03-28T03:28:00.002+08:00

a boring sunday

we are all going to genting yet again! exact same date, same company and all.

really want to type out a long post w all the pix but i'm way too lazy. and i'm thinking of selling my clothing like doing up a new blog and post all my clothes there but who is gna support me!!!! should i? should i not open? plz comment on my formspring! heheheheh

2011-03-25T03:01:00.005+08:00

here we go again

Trying very hard to catch up with where am i now, still hv so many pictures to blog about. so gna start with pix from zouk (4th of march) that night i think it was quite awesome, bc its been really long since we all went to zouk tgt, it just seems harder to gather everyone now. As day goes by, everyone finds their own commitments and settle down w their own lives. some disappeared when they found their bf/gfs, some just hv their own personal reasons, but im still so thankful bc when we get tgt as a group, we laugh as much as we breathe, we had so much fun each time. sometimes i get sad about my life, seeing people disappear time and again. tried so hard to hold on to friendships i cherish so much, rly, i wonder did it ever cross your mind what if i'm really tired of chasing people and i start walking out like what you all did to me? get so sick about this topic, but anyway heres some pix to enjoy, catchup w me soon again!

i realised i rly like blogging here rather than on tumblr, good to make this whole space revive again. good to read back my old posts, good to compare who i was back then and who am i now. good to know the change good to know ahhhh....whatever. k ah bye~

somebody actually thought that we're tgt bc glenn puts this pix as his facebook pix LOL? we are so sweet tgt right!

GOONAIIII~

2011-03-20T22:59:00.006+08:00

Bee's surprise II

I know i'm really inconsistent in updating about my life so here's part 2 for bee's surprise i collaborated w all his friends to hv a dinner surprise for him, and bee surely thought there was no more surprise for him as he was already surprised by all of us on his birthday eve. the dinner was for people who can't make it for the birthday eve surprise too and although it was quite a fail plan, but bee was rly happy!

felt so bad, because bb actually booked a room at hotel re for me!!!!! so the next day, i went over to flb flea to meet my beloved friends, then headed to town for a good meal w bee and limsheng as limsheng booked out from camp. so heavy lunch at jack's place and at night, down to hotel re!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LARLENG

this baked potato skins from jack's place was rly good!!!

then we headed to Jayleen hotel at clarke quay to find Hande and Denise, so coincidental, hande actually booked one hotel to surprise Denise!

look at what hande did to decorate the room, it was nicer actually but wasn't it sweeeeet~

then off to hotel re!!!!

that;s all for bee's birthday. the next day after we checked out at hotel re, i realised i lost my ysl wallet. went to mbs to buy the exact same wallet dam lame right me. but i was rly sad, all my stuffs in the wallet, beloved polaroids taken on my birthday they are all gone~~ credit cards and all. rly dam shag but owell i bought my wallet so i shall not complain anymore, ok that's all come back again!

2011-03-08T01:30:00.004+08:00

Surprise part one for Bee:

What really triggered me to blog again was the secondary school trends on twitter, it eventually leads me back here to find out more and dig out more about my past and finally realized i kind of miss blogging, missing the way how i used to keep track of my life. this isn't just any ranting or whining ground, it has the best memories over here, but i've taken out all my archives and the archives are only for me to read when i'm bored or when nostalgia came to her worth. back to keeping track of my life, let me just start on an update on my boyfriend's birthday on the 18th February'11.
Anw, we just hit the 1-year mark on 15th Feb too!

The pictures below got jumbled up, this showed or proven how long i haven't write in here but anyway thats not the point. On 17th February, bee's friends and I managed to surprise him at his house downstairs, and he got surprised he thought yicong and marvin will collaborate to surprise or smthg but many of us turned up actually and he was kinda surprised, so it went well~~~ and a happy bee. For now, a short post, i will come back tomorw for the surprise part 2 and more on my recent updates!

can tell me who actually cuts the cake like this?

germ!

sucha cutiepie

This was my valentine's day gift or rather my first year anni gift from him. I didn get to meet him on Vday cuz he has a test on the following day, so i told him its okay but he came down to my house to surprise me with this gift and i felt so bad cuz he had to wait for me for a couple of hours before i actually returned home....yup so end of post and surprise part 1 for bee

catchup w you all in abit!

2010-10-18T02:33:00.002+08:00

I haven't been here for quite sometime ago the past week for me was so tormenting so torturing, it still is up to now. everything will be okay soon i hope. i hope i really hope

2010-09-23T21:56:00.002+08:00

a simple thai buffet dinner with birthday gal, rachel leong ystd!
anyway, you can also visit me at http://starduxt.tumblr.com

2010-09-12T23:57:00.002+08:00

kill me now, i've just received my bank statement. in 15 days i spent 1.6k wowz to myself how did i even get 1.6k in the first place?!?!

2010-09-12T21:27:00.006+08:00

PERFECT

“ When they ask me what I liked best, I’ll tell them it was you

Year 2.1's officially ended. last friday was good, it was a friday night at marina barrage with my dear boyfriend, hande denise, yicong germaine limsheng donna kaiwen dew eunice and many more. it was like a class outg like as many as 20++ people all camp at marina barrage

anyway finally developed my fisheye photos:

this was outside zouk drinking, missed those times, i think is the start of this year?

fucking luv this pic with glenn

luv

donna

kaiwen and his constipated face lor

bestfriend

kenneth foo

kenric

jinyi

weighing everything, i realised
i am a happy girl deep down, live your life rachel

2010-08-29T01:36:00.003+08:00

I seriously no longer sure why i'm fighting for, and what i'm fighting for. I'm stucked here with my own emotions and feelings. I'd love to pen down whatever im feeling becuz i thought that will be the best for me to express every little or most inner thought but i realise, its not easy because i hv no idea what i'm feeling now. everyday is a struggle to me. i hv a problem with myself. i want to stop all these but i can't i want to put the relationship ahead of my feelings and emotions but i can't. everything is haunting me so badly, i just want to make myself feel worse, make everything turn sour. I honestly already don't know whats the meaning of happy anymore, and if i dont feel happy and not trying my best to make things work, i should really consider ending it. but no, maybe once or twice but it was just a fleeting thought, i'll remind myself how much we've been through before we've come this far, how much he loves me and how much i love him. too much but everything is haunting me too much at the same time, that it feels that i've lost myself along the way. what should i do........

ive come to this point in time that i dont even wna tell anyone about what im feeling anymore. everything just revolves about the same thing, and i'm tired. keyword is tired

gudbye no one understands how i feel anyway

2010-08-18T02:36:00.004+08:00

HAPPINESSVIBES

this was monday

and this is glenn, my handsome boi whom im greatly disappointed in
he is the one who claimed that in his life, a couple of friends are really important to him. but didn even bother to contact me since yog started. well glenn, how you explain this???

this is sheila. her facial expression abit wowzing and beyond description how to settle my friend here?

and alcinda. who hv been rehearsing for yog till she looks so lethargic nowadays

for what ah sheila??

if i see this face again sheila, i make sure i chiong you!!!!!!!!!!

and together with glenn, they will be my bestmen for my wedding

this is a couple photo

aiyah step handsome for what? yawns

recently:
i got very irritated very easily with anyone/anything
i spent alot of money, when i say alot, it means A LOT
i hv been trying to study but to no avail
i walk alot
i hv been eating ding tai fungs fried rice again
i am very vulgar still as ever
i am fucking sick of my hair
i am fucking sick of sgp
throat fucked up
i hv been smoking alot
i hv been to cathay starbucks a couple of times
i hv friends who are fucked who irritated the fuck out of me
had the most hours of sleep
i miss my boyfriend
i havent been seeing him since sunday
i need to see my boyfriend

now:
i am going to bed

2010-08-16T03:59:00.001+08:00

PICTURES OVERDUE SOMETIME BACK

taken during Donna's chalet. juz came back home from hillview and hi to me and ahxiong's 6th month

kaiwen abit sexy hor?

why my friend like pehweh liddat?

erica shanice and ahxiong

i rlly lazy to update already, brb!

2010-08-13T01:31:00.002+08:00

HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW

i feel sick, i get a sick feeling. everything about my life seems empty and, meaningless.
each minute holds something familiar, something i saw yesterday and days before. every second seems to drag on, and my heart, so lonely. i feel so bored with my life and everything in it. but other days, everything feels so great, like the sky sings pretty songs of love and i can't stop smiling. every single thing i encounter gives me the same feeling of the warm sun or your skin after you've been cold so many days or months. i have hope and everything is so bright and new and so, so lovely. the only difference between these days is a few hours of sleepless nights and dreams of how i wish my life could be

don't judge me, well i bet no one reads this little space of mine too. good thing for me i guess? everything is okay, i just like to find new things to worry about. i miss shixiong even though i just met him ystd got him the new era cap that he lost well that means another hundred off my bank account. i need to be rich, i need to be fucking rich!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-13T00:58:00.002+08:00

MAKE BELIEF

i'm stucked. stucked in my own emotions and starting to wonder if there's a balance or proportion in my life?

2010-08-09T17:45:00.003+08:00

Vunerability

was dangerous. We always say 'Sometimes people change' but isit really only sometimes? They don't happen sometimes, change is so constant but one thing about change is, it is always painful. It hurts to see people change, even if its for the better. It hurts because you see the change, you remember who they were and you get to see up front, little glimpses of who they are now and thats how it hurts.

Do people change? Or just becoming who they really are?

2010-08-02T01:48:00.002+08:00

HI NOT EXACTLY BACK YET, BRB BUT MARINA BARRAGING WAS SO WOWZING WE HAD FUNNING IN THE SUNNING

2010-07-29T22:46:00.003+08:00

Inner self

In Life, there are always people worse than you and what they are suffering are ten times worse than you. this week.. i felt that i was so tight down with school work i thought i'd die i really couldn breathe. i just came back from shixiong's house i spent the last night with him and limsheng and germaine at town roaming around, settled at kbox and then back to his house. and now, finally i hv sometime for myself. along the way, ive seen/heard and to learn how to view at things in different perspectives. recently, i came across this person who knocked sense into my head talk the shit out of me i was asked not to wallow in my own depressing thoughts anymore...its pointless. when i finally sat down and started thinking, trying to recollect memories from childhood to secondary to where am i now. this is very general i know, but ive seen how many people who were close to me, came and left in my life and new ones soon replaced them. and how i finally see, everyone or just, the whole world is so superficial. back then in year 2006 or earlier. everything i could see was so simple..........it was so simple as compared to what i see now. its so true, what is the point when you keep seeing life in a negative way and keep making yourself depressed? i still don't get why am i like this either....it gets into me only this year. Is it because i finally met someone i love so much to the extent that there are so many insecurities around me, how much assurance you gave me doesn really make a difference honestly... im beginning to feel scared for being who i am now i get stress too easily, and i view every single thing in their ugliest side well well well maybe i should really go for counselling, is there someone out there that can enlighten me or shed some light for me again?

2010-07-25T01:14:00.002+08:00

Firstly

Happy birthday Donna!!!
Just came back from her chalet not long ago didn really get to eat the bbq food hahahah stayed at shixiong's house for consecutive two nights. on friday morning i got up only to realize he went school without me first so i could sleep more since my class starts later than him, weird much ah my boyfriend?
and.. happy birthday marilou hihihihi dont say i didn wish you that was on purpose hope you enjoy your day luv

few days back i think, nothing to eat then me and my bestfriend landed up here

this is...knnbpcb full until cannot dont see this small portion ah, never give chance

cant wait for my 6th month with bby, he promised me to celebrate somewhere cosy and tight, should be genting i guess.
and this coming sat with everyone to fly kite oh fuck i miss times like this, totally is what i mean by quality times

2010-07-10T22:45:00.003+08:00

Life is everything negative but people whom i love makes it so different and shed some light for me.
well.. ystd night @ Zouk was alright, just v normellll wasn as fun as how we are last time this is a fact maybe no more anticipation no more excitement so we gotta find something interesting to do except town and zouk and school. wensday night was spent with sheila and jiewei at jiewei's place for some soccer watching ah i was up for that match but i stupidly placed $1xx on germ vs spain lol then now bo lai again lor. after zouk ystd, went to sx's house had a good pouring our lil hearts out chats. my boyfriend assured me time and again that he loves me deeply and all, just why? why am i so insecured??? why? this i really don't know. i compare myself to his friends, his ex girlfriend all. why why why ah rachel why?!?!?!?!?! i must constantly remind myself that shixiong is a gem on my hand already so i should start cherishing never let him slip off from my hand

this august is getaway again! maybe bangkok with shixiong donna hande and all!/ genting. i can't wait for getaway sgp really one hell of a country i suspect the sun here doesn't like me

2010-07-06T00:21:00.003+08:00

Introducing and proudly present to you my boyfriend, Tan Shixiong

me 'fuck i dont dare to go the to the toilet its dark outside!!!!?!?!??!! fucking'
]him' just go la wtf? when i was younger i saw a cockroach in the toilet i was scared that i peed in the bottle and threw it down'

wow.....

sx: omg we turn the tides!!!!! this is dejavu!!!!
rchl: this is amazing........it is just like prince of persia
sx: I MUST BE THE PRINCE
me 'this is a contemporary version of prince of persia!!!!
sx; yups! and you must be............................OMG PRINCESSRCHL!!!!!!
WTF?!?!?!?!??!?1/?! I LAUGHED MAXIMUM FULL FORCE NEVER GIVE CHANCE

no one understands how we communicate luv you shijieyinxiong!

2010-07-05T00:22:00.002+08:00

Briefly

Monday i.. went to town with sheila lydia rachel leong keith and i cant rmb who, get my fisheye photos developed
tuesday, i went to town with sheila again
wensday, went to jiewei's house with sheila
thurs, had dinner with marilou
friday, caught eclipse with shixiong, cheeyang, kenneth, donna, kaiwen kaiadee, chevonne and her bf?, fendi, yicong and some others i think? cabbed to tpy with dew erica and my baybee after that me and shixiong watched world cup @ his house again lor
saturday, woke up at shixiong's house, went home, changed out for steamboat with sheila shixiong jiewei alcinda justin felix lydia gx rachel leong adeline hilary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it is one hell of a meal!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-25T02:46:00.006+08:00

Things hv knocked me silly, or is it i am just silly myself? I always get worried for nothing, when everyone starts assuring me that all's good i find new things to worry again. this is something i wished i rlly could overcome well.... recently my parents don't give two fucks about me and my bodyclock it gets so worse nowadays i lost weight due to me waking up at 6pm had a meal for that day and thats it, repeat and it goes on and on for this two weeks vacation. this two weeks for me isn't fulfilling at all, ive done nothing, accomplished no shit, why is it sometimes people say 'when you want something, you gotta make it happen' but it just seems so hard. its not that i dont give two fucks about my future and i cant help but wonder whats in store for me in the long run, in my own future. why is it i've totally lost interests in studies now feels so sad being me. sigh, just pray hard i will find my own drive and motivation somewhere someday and i hv to keep reminding myself that my ever so supportive parents on the subject called education and all the more i should study hard. should start drilling all this shit into my head and get back up to study once school starts. ok enough about life stories about me a lil bit of update here, i met my dear shijieyinxiong ystd and my friends in town after that i went over to hillview, watched all of them play poker and soccer about 3 in the morning cabbed to tpy where my boyf stays, had a lil cosy time together had little heartfelt chats and talking about almost everything. sounds great, feels great with him really. cabbed home at 6 in the morning. heppi heppiiiii yeeeeppi yaaaayaaaa day~
there are so many things on my wishlist right now before i turn 18th:
i really do wna go bali/ cruise to nowhere or just stay on a yacht for a day or two. stay in a goodshit hotel, hv chips and lay back to watch tv with all my friends drink a lil then in the morning, go down to hv some buffet. get to ikea try to find some fairylights and many things for my own room. and the list go on and on and on.............

2010-06-22T19:17:00.004+08:00

recently, i fell sick it is like a combo packed nicely that comes with flu, fever, cough and diarrhoea. sucks to feel paralyze especially when you're having your holidays. i was in town ystd with sheila, did my hair loss treatment it was that serious i was not kidding at all! next went to topshop got a few pieces of clothing then hv dinner at dingtaifung finally got to pamper my tummy. ystd alone i spent $2xx. someone help me control my expenditure mmmm? few days back i was at monterey park for bbq with marilou and sherie for their friend's birthday. anyway life is full of surprises, awhile back, i thought i hit rock bottom that it was so hard for me i almost collapsed, now i feel im the most blessed child ever on earth. shixiong, after 4months i feel this whole relationship is still so fresh feels exactly the same like when i meet you on day 1. like what you've told jiewei. i've come to understand you a little bit more after what jiewei told me about you. i know you wont get to see this, but yes, really really feels blessed to hv you around. idk how to be expressive enough, but this is the first time i swear that im feeling like this, i get so affected by one person, i feel that my world and life revolve around one person, i feel that you're my everything, i feel that for once, im in love

hi joanna priddy gurl

changed my settings for my camera and like nicer leh?

this is my bestfriend. a bestfriend is like my boyfriend they can't be shared with any other people

hi janson

hi alcinda working hard here in ben and jerrys anyway ive nothing more to add in here so yeb think im gna stay home tonight tomorw hehe hope to meet my dear boyfriend or maybe zouk lor by the way saturday major lazer is coming to sgp worz

2010-06-19T19:27:00.002+08:00

normellllllllllllll wensday

Zouk fucking ace!!!!!! ystd night also fucking ace!!!!! was out, met my dear friends and my boyfriend whom is finally back from taiwan, hande, limsheng, fuwei, weiguang yicong and the rest watched world cup with my boyfriend watched until i wna tear knn the england vs nigeria rlly like purposely?!!? watch until can sleep this year world cup speechless anyway im gg out soon so brb!

2010-06-16T15:26:00.003+08:00

good morneng

This morning i woke up and feeling quite good, i haven't felt like this for at least a few months already, its either i force myself out of the bed for school that i almost end up crying in the bathroom or 'well.....its another day again' kind of feeling. hahahaha idk what the fuck im talking right now but u get my drift la, today just seems different. ystd i had a good hearty laugh with kenric on the phone passing msgs to him and my boyfriend anyway my boyfriend will be back tomorw so tomorw will be the happiest day for me i guess. going out for some movie soon with my klass, and then zouk later with my friends. fucking hell, i miss my friends like crazy ive been coping up at home because i thought i need time and contacting my spiritual self? what was i thinking??? anyway i'm planning a kukup trip with everybody let's go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi boyf dua bei gong i want to see your tummy see how big it is now!!!!

miss all these rlly rlly do

FUCKING THE BEZZ TIME OF MY LIFE. GENTING

2010-06-15T17:16:00.003+08:00

yet again.....

So true, thoughts can go on and on forever and thoughts can really kill. the unreal and the reality. sometimes you don't know when somethings are real that it is so scary at times. these few days, ive been thinking so much that im scared myself because i consider myself as an extrovert and i cannot stand loneliness i rlly wonder when i can really be happy again. its been a full two weeks that ive been feeling this way. but i've figured it out, because i won't know the future and no use thinking about it, when it happens in the future then i'll deal with it next time. maybe its really true, some things fall apart so better things can fall together. I need a getaway again really really soon how about next week?

2010-06-14T00:25:00.004+08:00

mykii

*dew juz called me asked me to come online omg he made me ganchiong yay news from shixiong!

on this particular thurs, we were all at holland V's crystal jade for some dimsum that day alone i was so happy to see all of them and yet not really becuz a part of me still quite disturbed with my own thoughts. after dimsum it was mykii and i couldn take it i had to leave for home. i hv to control everything i feel so awkward now, i suddenly lost the feel and interests in zouk, town just anything. i went home early to catch soccer hoping to win i lost quite a sum last night cuz of england hv to recover hahaha shit. anyway second day already shixiong u hv to be back fast tioman next week, lets go! hello my friends, and bintan lets go!

2010-06-12T21:03:00.002+08:00

wish

hi my boyfriend is in taiwan for 6days i hope this trip can make you feel a little more relaxed and miss me a little more, i didn go Zouk ystd despite all my friends were there i made last night a bit more worthwhile i went to meet my boyfriend finally met him since world war II. went over to hillview then to his place it was so heartwarming i dont know. i hope things will be better i rlly hope so.....................

1st day you're not in sgp hi shixiong awaiting for you to come bk to singapore safely. amen hehe hope there's no typhoon, whirlwind, tornado, flood drought over there you'll be safe and sound. today i bet on argentina so plz argentina must win but fuck the odds rlly zzzzzz still deciding where to go later alright time to hit the shower

2010-06-09T00:13:00.004+08:00

Therapy

i'm in the midst of studying for my opc test tomorw, but my concentration was lost, thoughts were swayed. perturb, alter, change, disturb, upset, move, stir, relate, affected emotionally, what else? i was really affected.. you've been missing from my life for a full 6days, i really cannot take it any much longer i need to know what's happening in your life just so you know, despite whatever you are facing now and everything that you've been through, im here. i will be here with you. just, please, don't disappear in my life and plz come back, its hurting me. it feels that my heart is squeezed together i thought i ought to know what happened to you since im your girlfriend you're affected equals to me being affected too. i can't do this anymore i really cant, plz come back and you're leaving to taiwan on sat for another six days. tell me how can i take it? i luv u tan shixiong i rlly do i need i want to know where are you stop disappearing please. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck where the fuck are youwhat the fuck happened to you im not a fucking tanker. you know im so close to a process to modify my behaviour and and emotional content, and attitudes, stress and pain management. im so close to being mad, so close to being lovesick or already am, so close to becoming another.........me

shixiong i hope to see you tomorw, really really do

2010-06-06T23:11:00.003+08:00

“ And when I was young I didn’t understand, but now, I know, how absence can be present, like a damaged nerve, like a dark bird.

i'm starting to miss boyfriend.........................where are you, my treasure?

2010-06-03T21:51:00.005+08:00

two fridays back i guess? headed to zouk for aoki. it was normellll shixiong came down to find me even though he was sick ): felt so bad in the end going into phu without him even though donna shanice kaiwen kenneth and everyone were there including my friends but cannot rlly cannot the feeling without him there is juz so different... exams are coming up brb

2010-05-30T22:29:00.003+08:00

i hv been waking up at probably 6pm or as early as 9am. these few days i hv been to hillview for a couple of times to watch luv play poker with hande, limsheng, gerald, kennethfoo, cheeyang and the rest. wensday we had bbq over @hillview too it was Hande's birthday the honey wings are fucking ace!!!!!!!!! i can camp at the pit stare at the wings once its ready take and run~~~~~~~~~~~hehe thats me and my boyfriend and gerald goh wei chen. need some topshop, need to meet my friends, need some prince of persia soon~~~~~

2010-05-25T16:58:00.003+08:00

SAYS

Repetitive. I've lost the vibe to be busy with the keyboard kind of manner in the blogging way thus the lack of updates but thats not the point anyway. Hv been so busy with school, after school and weekends activities. Recently, i spend more time with my boyfriend feels so fortunate and blessed but these past days it really made me feel a whole lot happier, felt so much secured. Looking at everyone of us, feels so happy yet not really for my friends. most of us starting to settle down and okay i don't say we drift apart but we have other commitments now and less fun like last time. really is almost everyone amongst us has already more or less settled down, including myself. really kind of miss everyone being together once again. misses camp times zouking times when we are all full attendance and every little single thing. hi don't say that i'm mean or anything, but i don't miss my life in 2008 or any earlier. those times, i had a couple of identified true friends i put in the effort to mk friendship last. i dare to say i put in a lot more effort to mk the friendship going than you all. so for me right now, i just feel these are the people i will really care.
sheila shixiong lydia sherie alcinda glenn hilary felix jiewei francesca and everyone else in the group
thankyou for everything and im so much happier now as compared to back then hehehehhehe
gonna post up picz soon!!!!!

2010-05-15T00:29:00.002+08:00

This week one of the weeks i've ever felt so accomplished. okay....not exactly but i managed time quite well, i think? get most of the things on my checklist done. accomplished yet tiring week i know never one day i will not complain about how tired i am but the truth is i am really tired!!!!!! let's see, this week

i caught iron man2 with shix, hande limsheng and denise
spent time in the library as usual every single day except thurs cuz i didn turn up for school with everyone
wensday went to toapayoh meet shix den town where shix met kenric dew donna desmond
thurs i had a full force 15hours of sleep!!!!!!!!!! this one eh sai buey hahahha
friday today i realised im still tired so im home feels abit wasted for fridays to be at home but i my restlessness overwhelm everything and i decided to stay home.

feels like watching some good movies and last me through the night.........oh well goodnighting people im rlly lazy to type in good english pardon me heh heh

2010-05-09T20:30:00.002+08:00

THE RECENTS

Hi nowadays i am really so caught up with everything but now it seem like wensdays are for movies spent consecutive wensdays catching kickass, ipman2 and another one i can't remember what but watched it with my dear boyfriend, hande, marvin tng, vanessa tang, yicong,weiguang the other time we went to play l4d quite sucked at it. Dew shix marvin erica all rlly quite pro for me but haiya xia suey sia...
and recently, sheilas birthday celebration over @wavehouse restaurant and timbre hope you had a fulfilling birthday!!!!!!!!! luv u mwahhhhhhhhhh
idk what to say already eh? lazy elaborate my life's now at its peak

2010-05-06T20:40:00.003+08:00

ROMP V

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!! WATCH!!

2010-05-04T00:02:00.001+08:00

HAPPYBIRTHDAY

someone dear to my heart, sheila alexis seah

2010-05-03T09:19:00.001+08:00

I’ve learnt that you can’t always predict what’s going to happen in life. Even some things that you’re probably the most sure of. Those that you can narrate right down to the details… just what might, should and will, happen. People will have conflicting mindsets. You will have one too. People don’t always say what they mean, you do too.

It’s always easy to feel the indignance, or disappointment, or pain on your side. But sometimes it’s better to remember to step back and not try to push anything at all. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

2010-04-25T20:27:00.001+08:00

HEHEHEHE I BOUGHT MY YSL WALLET!!!!!
~~~~~~

2010-04-21T23:13:00.020+08:00

GENTING

You must be thinking im lost in Life haha no, but i rlly have not much of time to come here and write a whole chunk of what happened to me recently or what im doing exactly. since tonight i had the feel to blog so mmhm come some genting pictures ah!!!!!! the genting trip was massive fun, the fun rlly massive this one no joke. k so there was a whole group of us best thing of the trip was my bestfriend and my boyfriend were there. 1st day we didn do much so its just slacking around in the hotel. we booked rooms that are opposite each other and all of us opened the window huat poems sing song hahahaha and genting rlly is one hell of a place!!!!! like smoke fest liddat heh hehz. 2nd day was the theme park and club safari ok i rlly lazy to elaborate la. we spent 4days there and just know we had fun

(the picz are all backwards so started from 4th day 3rd 2nd then 1st....)

this was taken after flying coaster (the 360 superman ride i swear that ride kick!!!!! i luv it)

boyssss hande's face like nice ah here

last night we spent at ripleys believe it or not, haunted house, laser quest and much more
kenric over here too engross looking at those facts on tv

bestfriend and mason we are arcade siaooooo

this boi here also arcade siao

hahahhahaaaahha thinking of this scene rlly epic!!! all the guys rushed out and nipple steam ah act one manhunt see who stronger in the end all cold cold cold
(plz look at kenneth and his thumbs up pose) HAHAHHAHA

manhunt

donna

kenneth

hande

kenric

this was club safari where the entry fee was wtf 12RM!!!!!!
they had dance battle over here with the msians what an eye opener i swear

kenneth and his liquid dance, kaiwen and his shuffling

hi sheila

the corridor at our hotel here, we run around and smoke like free liddat

we had steamboattttt!!!

my fav ride of all!

LOOK AT KENNETH WTF

this is when they played marco polo hahaha rlly laugh until~~~~~~
is when jinyi called 'marco' when hes blindfolded and the rest must shout 'polo' and he must try to catch. this is when the theme park is closed but we still camp here hahahah

marvin sharp shooter eh

kaiwennn

sheila and mason

the biggest roller coaster in genting thats 360deg me bo ji to take hehz so i gave it a miss

jinyi concluded that this is the scariest ride ever

donna like small kid here smiling happily

breakfast buffet!!!!!!

NOW I CONCLUDE I RLLY MISS GENTING

2010-04-12T06:17:00.002+08:00

TALKS

(this is a lengthy post about my thoughts one whole chunk of it i just need to let out a little)

I just came back home after meeting shixiong.
I had a talk with you. a meaningful one. long one. really long.
almost about everything
all this while, im glad we had the trust and space that we both agreed before going into this relationship
i tried being understanding, i am understanding, i really am but im not that strong afterall. i absorbed everything but its rlly heartbreaking to come to the fact that you actually still miss your previous girlfriend even up to now.
i understood that you both are together for two years i really do but still.... its really heartbreaking.
sigh........
but i hv to admit you're really special, the first ever boyfriend i had being so comfortable and so much laughter and also, hanging out with your group of friends and you being able to accept my friends and making them feel comfortable around you as well. not only that, you made me think wisely and whats good for me im assured with you around. you enlightened me much, taught me alot and being so understanding.
i just need to let out that, im not that strong to absorb everything you've said yet, and im a very insecure person
everything will be fine after sometime i will. definitely will

2010-04-09T00:27:00.001+08:00

shall post about genting soon baibai

2010-04-08T02:37:00.004+08:00

SUNSHINE

i'm back! i shall post picz from sentosa on last saturday i never liked going to sentosa at all never once enjoy myself in sentosa mmhm...but here are the picz

2010-04-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

GENTING LIKE SHIOK ONLY AND IM BACK HOME I MISS GENTING WITH EVERYONE

2010-04-02T17:21:00.002+08:00

TO DO(S) OR GETS

buy my gold toms
overseas with fr3nz
eat @ equinox
hotel 1929
get into Understanding Relationship and Exploring Photography for IS modules
prada wallet
cruise
spend more time with my dearest friends
get my phone repaired
thread my brows
clean my dslr
develop my first run on fisheye

needs to complete those in bold before school starts

2010-04-02T02:04:00.004+08:00

THE '7DAYS6NIGHTS' FUN

Hi i'm definitely not gonna write in here what happened during the 7days6nights becuz i can go on and on about it and no one will bother reading about it. I've kept this space quite underground for a couple of years i feel like making it known to my friends but come to think of it again, i need my own space for my little thoughts. sigh, when i feel all the sad emotions in me, i will type one whole wordy post here and make me sound like one depressed little girl. but these are times when i had the feel to blog. i understand that everyone is stepping back a little for some breathing space, but however far you go, you still must know the way back. i also understand that sheila and janson are GLs for the camp and also the frontline people but if the freshies could really make you forget about contacting us, making your bestfriend to travel all the way to town and left her there alone, i don't understand why i can't h8 the term 'freshies' now.
disappointed? Yes
Predicted? Yes
well... things will get better in a few days time because im going genting!!!!!!!!!

i kind of miss foc and the crews

2010-03-30T02:28:00.002+08:00

INACCESSIBLE

this good entire 7days6nights camp in school really made me happier alot more, waking up in the mornings with the company i luv most, sharing chores together and the 'eat smoke sleep' cycle. but at the same time, i feel so distant away......... absence doesn make the heart grow fonder

2010-03-21T00:29:00.004+08:00

INEEDMONEY

My account balance is quite a shock and looking at how i spent my money, i can die now

anyway im gg genting soon with shixiong and my bestflen sheila, donna kaiwen marvin and some others?
i hope it will be fun cannot wait at all, i fucking need a getaway NOW!!!!!
anyway last night was quite an "anyhow" day we all had nothing to do, decided to catch Remember Me when i dont even catch a single thing doesn hv subtitles rlly can die watching the show and about 3am kevin drove 11 of us to zouk and shiok la!!!! i will meez my bf fucking alot, the whole of next week i cant even see him bcuz of camp sigh
and sherie, takecare ah dont send me those gei yan messages when im in camp hahahhahaha